Scams

Jobs are all scams, man. Fuck this shit. Honest work for honest pay is nowhere.

Get scammed to scam someone else so other people can scam you.

Jobs are for rich people who live in houses. Houses are for rich people with jobs. So they can raise a family. 

Then they scam, so their kids can get scammed. 

And the circle of scams keeps scamming.

Life. Scams.

Here's some scams listings on Craigslist for Memphis, TN.

Explore the road.

It all looks the same

Home every week.

That's when you get to sleep.

Family-Oriented.

Best way to be a family man is be home once a week, and the rest of the time halfway across the country.

Man, fuck you.

Just a middle man taking a cut of private tutoring.

Give the kids some fake professional looking pamphlet touting your exceptional tutors.

Pretend like you are an actual organization that educates those tutors, like you have any control over the quality of their abilities.

Pay the tutors shit, competitive against who, McDonald's? $7.75 minimum hourly wage? No benefits, create own lessons, do all the work, then have the company restrict you to their "exceptional standards for excellence".

Fuck off.

How does it work?

Get fucked. Hand over the money to them. Repeat.

Provide your own transportation to kid's homes, or use your own home! Wow! Company doesn't have any rehearsal rooms! Maybe not even a building, just a P.O. box to collect checks from your work!

We give you leads for students, you get to pick! It's up to you! We don't even guarantee you work.

Create your own lessons, attract your own profile, you're an "independent contractor". And hey look, we'll even pay you some of the money the kids give us for the work you're doing!

What a great deal! I could never have done it on my own, keeping the money I earn without you guys taking it.

Qualified candidates!

Know the difference between a nickel and a quarter! Cashier.
Can hold a big spoon and wear clear plastic gloves! Line server.
Can operate a can opener and a microwave! Cook.
Can walk to a table holding a tray without falling down! Caterer.
Get stuck doing everyone else's work when they won't! Supervisor.

Great attitude! So you look happy to the customers, even when we treat you like shit.

Dynamic team! Get shoved around by everybody who's been here longer than you. Get jostled all day, amid noise and confusion!

$10 wage with 5 cent raises at the end of the year!

Here's a long post for a Charter School tutoring position:

Essential functions include, but are not limited to...

getting paid a non-teaching wage when actually you are expected to do all the work the teachers do, because they failed to do their job and then some... without fixed hours or a classroom.

note that asterisk!

Wow, like I didn't think of enough already. But just to emphasize how much of a bitch you will be, let me re-iterate that...

The specific statements are not intended to be all inclusive.

 I will make you do more work than you are paid for and then I will condescend to tell you that what work you do is just of a general nature (unimportant) and are typical (deserve no recognition or appreciation). You will work a thankless, over-burdened position.

The Company retains the discretion to add or change the duties of the position at any time. (until they fire you)

Fuck you, you spineless, slithering excuse for a human being. Let me retain the discretion to shove my foot up your ass and break it off, sideways.

Yep, it's still the same tutoring position as the previous image...

It takes up four screens of requirements (not all inclusive, mind you!) and bullshit "abilities" that are just euphemisms for how shitty you will be treated.

• Minimal supervision.
• Daily classroom instruction.
• Tasks locally and in different geographic areas. (Provide your own transportation!)

Share life experiences with students. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm going to do that as a decent person, not as a job requirement, you fucking soulless monster.

Provide an example of strong self-esteem, confidence, and leadership. LOL. If you had those traits, you wouldn't BE in this SHITTY JOB.

Education: High school degree

So all those kids who never got enough help to make it in the world, who you are trying to mentor?  Yeah you're one of them.

Oh yeah, btw, all that world changing, inspiring, educating and reforming and leadership role modeling duties that we expect of you?

(Yet general, typical duties that can change at any time... when we don't feel like paying someone with a teaching degree, and a union, so we add their duties to your job).

You'll be expected to perform those from site to site on a part-time basis.
 

To end on a humorous note, and also because I have nowhere else to post this picture...

FBI VAN

Great WiFi name. LOL. It's a joke, c'mon. 

You didn't think it was actually an FBI van, did you? Admit it, you did for a brief second. 

Really? Honestly you didn't?

Well, fuck. I did.