Diary - dreams

Monday, December 7th.

Been blogging in my sleep. It feels great, until I realize the post is not there, it was all in my dream. Maybe my brain now associates blog posting with release and with validation or permanence. So its using the act of blogging as a channel for its thoughts whiel dreaming.

In my dreams, spontaneity and diversity has increased, so that's good. I almost feel at a stage of an adolescent brain development. Lots of new experiences, inputs, stimuli, emotions, thoughts, feelings, and they all try to connect each other in innovative ways.

There's one dream... I'm driving up a huge ramping highway. It's almost a 70 degree incline. There's nothing at the top, just a round driveway to park. If I didn't drive up, I'd start rolling backwards down. If I do try to drive up, however, the road gets steeper and the height becomes more treacherous with no place to stop.


I have to build up as much speed as possible, but even then, I know my car is not strong enough in horse power to make it. I accelerate late, but I keep going anyways, until my car can push no more against gravity. My speed drops to 10 mph with my foot on the pedal. The engine is struggling, so I let go of the gas. The peak is still too far away.

I start taking car, now a sled, down the ramp. It cannot steer or brake safely against the steep decline. I let go of the brakes and the wheel. From the outside of the car, above the highway, I watch the car like a miniature hot wheels toy. I see it serve from one side of the highway to the other, bouncing, flipping, and tumbling and I think "cool!"

Another dream. A Navy uniformed young man walks behind me sits on the stone wall to my right, atop a tall hill. He puts his uniform hat down beside him on the wall. He's facing in. He leans back so his head is hanging on the outside. He makes a tired sigh.

I get the feeling like he's failed an entrance examination or something, and has visited this place many times before. I'm about to say something to him, like: your legs are the only thing keeping you from falling! As quickly as he sat on the wall and laid backwards, he unhooks his legs from the wall and is gone. His hat is still on the wall.

I peer over the edge gradually to spot his body, like road kill, looking but at the same time looking away. I see his uniform, quite a distance from the wall horizontally. It doesn't quite make sense that he'd fall so far out. The uniform is in a T shape, completely spread out and empty. I see no body. It's like the man fell through his clothes and through the soft muddy ground, becoming a ghost in mid-air before he finished his fall.

I try to look directly down to find the body, but the wind and vertigo I feel cause me to move back from the ledge. I think of running down the steps to attend him, but the height is probably enought o kill him. I would find a split open head in a pool of blood. He'd fall maybe three seconds. I can't judge distance well. His body would look small on the ground, but then again it doesn't seem that far.

All I see is his hat. I think about taking it down with me, but also leaving it there undisturbed, as evidence, and in memoriam.