Food for Thought

Confucius’s Analects

On seeking recognition for one's merits

1.16

The Master said: 'Do not be concerned

that no one recognizes your merits. Be concerned that you may not recognize others’.

Response: This is a form of 'tis better to give than to receive'. It is also many other things.

Don't be vain!

Do not be concerned about achieving things to be complimented. Value your merits for what you are able to accomplish using them, not so people will flatter your ears.

It's like the bodybuilder who only works out for looks, vs the athlete whose muscles look good because he uses them.

Value vs Vanity image

You can tell the muscular guy who has a body of vanity. He will get his ass kicked in a real fight. His muscles are big, but they aren't trained to handle real adversity, just repetitions of weights. He works out because he wants to seem like a tough, strong man... but getting big muscles alone doesn't do that.

If you can't get what you want, help others! 

Give to others the respect for their merits, that you want others to see in you. If they respond to your appreciation, they will recognize yours! Also, notice when people compliment you, usually they see themselves in you, to be able to appreciate something about you, so return the favor! Find out about them, and recognize merit in them too!

The next thing is, focus on the task at hand. Recognize others merit, not just to sit around trading compliments. Don't be concerned about self-recognition. Now as a group, apply the same principle once more. Go seek out others, become an organization, use your merits for good.

Stop looking at your muscles in the mirror, and go use them to hold a door open for an old lady. You don't even need big muscles for that.

Open doors. Be useful.
Stole images from here and here

Be objective!

If you cannot recognize merit in others, the danger is that you ought to be objective! If you keep thinking of your own merits and not seeing it in others, then is your assessment of your own merits trustworthy? You run the risk of inflating your own abilities.

So then it's not others at fault for neglecting your merits, but your own mistaken view of your qualities! You are expecting people to praise you for something you have not! So you will forever be wanting and bitterly resenting, without cultivating yourself.

Focus not on if people see it, don't stop to frustrate over how other people appraise you. Keep cultivating yourself and promote it in others, when you are able to see theirs.

The more cultivate yourself, the more you are able to see the same qualities in others. So the real gains of fostering your merits can be said to be an appreciation, understanding, and an accord with others.

Others may not appreciate your merits, because they have not fostered their own, and are unable to recognize it. Why place so much importance on wrestling an appreciation out of these people, who have not developed their capacity to recognize merit?

Others may not value your merits as highly as you think it ought to be awarded, because they have gotten further than you have, and have achieved a more whole, complete, encompassing... more cultivated merit than you, and see you have many flaws yet to recognize in yourself and amend

They may see your progress is shallow, and that your indignation at not being praised as puerile. They have mastered far more and for much longer without receiving or asking appreciation from the majority of people they interact with, and may have no interest in witnessing your tantrum.

Lead with ability, not your ego!

Reminds me of shooting basketball at a public court.

You see people who don't play very often, they come on the court and throw up wild shots from places they have no chance of making, shaking their head in disgust, chiding themselves, and acting like on a normal day, they were professionals who would make every one of these shots, but they were just missing out of atypical carelessness.

Stop pretending you are Michael Jordan. Just work on your game!

Why? Their ego precedes their abilities. They come on to the court to think of themselves as Michael Jordan, and only shoot the ball to confirm the high opinions they already have of themselves. So they witness each shot that misses as 'That's not right, that shouldn't be... I *am* special. The ball isn't making me feel as deserving I should be, it must be a mistake, or a fluke, an anomaly. Tomorrow, when I'm off the court, I'll go back to being Michael Jordan.'

Every once in a while, they'll hit a higher difficulty shot from pure luck and they'll look around with satisfaction feeling like a champ. This produces no reaction from ballers on the court, because they know there's no skill in that shot. The general opinion is 'Those guys, they don't know what they're doing' .

The bored girlfriend has been sitting by herself for half an hour. She has no interest in basketball, not professional, much less the flailing attempts of her novice boyfriend. So who is going to give him recognition for the merit of this one shot?

Better for the aspiring Jordan to recognize merit in the players around him, so that he can continue to cultivate basketball merit in himself, and in players with less experience than he does. So that people will respect him, and he will give others respect.