Top Reasons to Get a Job

I attended my first class in 'Employment First', Colorado's Employment and Training program - one of the many federal requirements for receiving SNAP (food stamp) benefits.

In celebration, I have brainstormed several good real reasons to get a job.

Scumbag Steve

Jobs are for:

• Lazy people who can't assign work to themselves.

"I'm just going to watch TV and grow my belly"

• Unimaginative people who run other people's scams 'cause they can't figure out their own.

"Thank goodness I don't have to come up with these fakakta schemes.
My pyramid is all upside down."

• Greedy people who can't live without money.

"But how will I spend money if I don't have any? And what will I put in my purse?"

• Careless people who had kids.

"Once yer 18 ure out, y'here? You, and u, and yu too! All of you!"

• Boring people who repeat the same tasks every day.

"Well, it passes the time. Slowly."

• Conceited people who compete for titles and promotions.

"I'm a Level 11 'scientician'! - Uhh?"

• Fussy people who want to sleep indoors. 

"I need this! And this! And this!"

• Ugly people who can't marry someone rich.

"Some girls have all the luck."

• Losers who didn't buy enough lottery tickets to win. 

"But I've got it all planned out how I'm going to spend my winnings!"

• Nobodies who need an I.D. badge to define who they are.

"See? I do exist! No, wait, no don't lay me off! My job is my only identity!!"

• Real people with normal lives.

"Pff they don't exist."