"Tic Toc of the clock is painful. All sane and logical. I want to tear it off the wall."
- Eve 6, Beautiful Oblivion
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Morning Anxiety
When I feel like I have to do a job that I can't tolerate, and there's no way for me to change the situation, it's like my brain refuses to cooperate. I don't sleep the night before work or class. That produces a feeling like I'm on a buzz that carries me through the day and makes me feel okay.
Start an embedded YouTube video at a specific time
Here's how to edit the HTML in Blogger to start a YouTube video from a specific time.
Dizzy and Rico Reunion - 15 Year Anniversary of Starship Troopers
"I thought they wanted to be my friend..."
"They did!"
"They did!"
T.S. Eliot reads: The Waste Land
At the violet hour, when the eyes and back
Turn upward from the desk, when the human engine waits
Like a taxi throbbing waiting
Turn upward from the desk, when the human engine waits
Like a taxi throbbing waiting
Friday, October 30, 2015
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
My reading:
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
My reading:
Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came by Robert Browning
My first thought was, he lied in every word
My reading:
My reading:
The Walrus & The Carpenter By Lewis Carroll: Narrated & Animated By Hugh...
"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of many things..."
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Neighborhood in Winter
The neighborhood feels sheltered from its main road in summer,
but when leaves have fallen the houses are surprisingly near.
Seeing bare houses feels like accidentally looking at a woman disrobed after a shower.
I come by to visit her room and she has forgotten her door.
She is standing in open space and at that moment, she is too unexpectedly seen
for either one of us to do anything.
but when leaves have fallen the houses are surprisingly near.
Seeing bare houses feels like accidentally looking at a woman disrobed after a shower.
I come by to visit her room and she has forgotten her door.
She is standing in open space and at that moment, she is too unexpectedly seen
for either one of us to do anything.
Fresh Snow
I used to cherish new snow, the mound kind that no one has
stepped in.
I would want to touch it and at the same time feel conflicted about disturbing its beauty. I wanted to keep it nice, so that I wouldn't lose it; so that I could enjoy it whenever I desired.
I would want to touch it and at the same time feel conflicted about disturbing its beauty. I wanted to keep it nice, so that I wouldn't lose it; so that I could enjoy it whenever I desired.
A New Frand
I went downstairs with the plush polar bear to show the Husky I had a new friend and I didn't need her or her grumpy attitude and touchy fussiness anymore. But she wasn't there in her usual sleeping spot. She was one step ahead of me. The basement was restored to its rightful owner and surely she was there. She was first to demonstrate that didn't need me either.
Reason for Leaving Past Employment
"Why did you leave so many jobs?"
"You, as an employer, can find someone to replace me if I leave. Someone else will take my place.
But if I don't look out there for what I need, nothing will come to me to take its place."
"You, as an employer, can find someone to replace me if I leave. Someone else will take my place.
But if I don't look out there for what I need, nothing will come to me to take its place."
A Frank Entrepeneur
"Sorry it's against company policy to allow coworkers to date."
"Well, I'll leave the company in that case."
"You don't need to do that, before you two became close we had already planned reorganization of Jane's division, and unfortunately she was one of the people we had to let go."
"That's bullshit. You're firing her because you want me to keep working. "
"Well, I'll leave the company in that case."
"You don't need to do that, before you two became close we had already planned reorganization of Jane's division, and unfortunately she was one of the people we had to let go."
"That's bullshit. You're firing her because you want me to keep working. "
Suspended Animation
I feel like I've done everything I desire to do, but now in limbo because I don't want to sleep or continue doing what I was doing just to go through motions.
Plateau
(a cliche)
in darkness, you can see the faintest light
hope shines brightest in darkness.
i feel like i hit my peak.
there's not much i can do better at. i could do something else but it's just relearning something different, not taking my level beyond where i'm at.
i feel like i let go of the things i tried that i might have gotten good at
and now i'm left without any wagon to ride forward on.
in darkness, you can see the faintest light
hope shines brightest in darkness.
i feel like i hit my peak.
there's not much i can do better at. i could do something else but it's just relearning something different, not taking my level beyond where i'm at.
i feel like i let go of the things i tried that i might have gotten good at
and now i'm left without any wagon to ride forward on.
Small Wins
"The answer, it turned it, was simply progress. A sense of forward motion. Regardless of how small.
There is No Quick Fix to Depression
Reponse to an article entitled :
Mathew DelPorto
I highlighted and made bold the statements I agree strongly with.
These 12 Incredibly Successful People Will Change The Way You Think About Depression
written in the comments section byMathew DelPorto
I highlighted and made bold the statements I agree strongly with.
Talent Does Not Preclude Success
You don't need to be a genius to make an important discovery.
You can be stubborn, persistent, lucky, hardworking, any number of things.
You can be stubborn, persistent, lucky, hardworking, any number of things.
Being Smart Isn't Being Right
Smart people don't not make mistakes.
(intentional double negative)
They just get answers other people can't, when they're right.
When they're wrong, they get things wrong.
(intentional double negative)
They just get answers other people can't, when they're right.
When they're wrong, they get things wrong.
In search of M
One theory to rule them all
One theory to find them
One theory to bring them all
And gravitationally bind them.
In the land of branes
where strings and symmetries lie.
One theory to find them
One theory to bring them all
And gravitationally bind them.
In the land of branes
where strings and symmetries lie.
Light and Matter
Light moves at a constant speed
because it is a wave that has as its property that speed.
If it wasn't moving at that speed, it would be something else.
Matter is a localized, concentrated interference of fields.
because it is a wave that has as its property that speed.
If it wasn't moving at that speed, it would be something else.
Matter is a localized, concentrated interference of fields.
Irony
irony
misunderstanding what is said by taking its literal meaning and missing the point entirely, thinking what was meant was the opposite of its actual meaning.
Beetle Bailey has many examples of irony
misunderstanding what is said by taking its literal meaning and missing the point entirely, thinking what was meant was the opposite of its actual meaning.
Beetle Bailey has many examples of irony
The "Fall From Grace" Myth
People believe:
"nowadays the world is (blank)."
"the way things are now, people are (blank)."
"people nowadays have lost (blank)"
"people don't (blank) like they once did"
"nowadays the world is (blank)."
"the way things are now, people are (blank)."
"people nowadays have lost (blank)"
"people don't (blank) like they once did"
Deliverance. Salvation.
deliverance
rescue from a demise, or an existence of suffering and defeat by bestowing the person a spiritual/emotional piece of armor that allows him to carry on away from the dangers without being emotionally/spiritually harmed
salvation
in the spiritual sense, a continuous state of being in which the individual has and continues to fulfill his needs. or the pursuit or cause that is the source/ defines that individuals said state.
so that no harm or misfortune in the physical world can destroy his peace, happiness, and satisfaction with life
The path to salvation, walk it every day like the 12 steps. No harm or ill can come to you, when you've accepted life and you're at peace with what you've down with it.
Conservatism
Somebody else wrote this comment:
jhudson2 Thursday, Dec 20, 2012 12:04 PM EDT
"conservatism is, and always will be, nothing but a failure; it is a fantasy based on lies, an irrational belief that exists only for it's soothing emotional appeal to lazy and stupid people and as a tool to be used to manipulate them."
http://www.salon.com/2012/12/20/pentagon_cia_likely_approved_zero_dark_thirty_torture_scenes/
jhudson2 Thursday, Dec 20, 2012 12:04 PM EDT
"conservatism is, and always will be, nothing but a failure; it is a fantasy based on lies, an irrational belief that exists only for it's soothing emotional appeal to lazy and stupid people and as a tool to be used to manipulate them."
http://www.salon.com/2012/12/20/pentagon_cia_likely_approved_zero_dark_thirty_torture_scenes/
A Lie Often Repeated
External quote: "
Joseph Goebbels, one of Hitler’s closest aids and the Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945. It is the idea of the big lie, variously stated as:
If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.
"
Joseph Goebbels, one of Hitler’s closest aids and the Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945. It is the idea of the big lie, variously stated as:
If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.
"
Who are the rich spoiled non-celebrities who sit courtside at basketball games?
Who are the rich spoiled non-celebrities who sit courtside at basketball games?
"I was not a basketball fan before it. When I was offerred to sit courtside for the first time, I had not been to any basketball games previously.
"I was not a basketball fan before it. When I was offerred to sit courtside for the first time, I had not been to any basketball games previously.
The First Level of Truth: Assumption
(preamble: Underlying these efforts to understand and explain how society works in order to identify with a functional role within that society is the assumption, belief, hope, faith, fantasy, or delusion that understanding allows a problem to be solved and that finding my place in society is a problem with a possible solution.)
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Keep moving forward, even when you're going backwards or getting pushed back.
Two steps forward one step back. But even when you're taking three steps back, do take two steps forward.
Two steps forward one step back. But even when you're taking three steps back, do take two steps forward.
A Critique of the Milgram Experiment
I have a few issues with the conceptual basis for what the Milgram experiment trying to accomplish.
Unit 731 Memorial Site
"Zhang Bo, a 40-year-old driver, says he sometimes brings a surprising kind of visitor down from central Harbin. “Japanese tourists often come here. The old people fall down on their knees and pray. The young people — judging by their faces afterward, they think it’s funny.”
In WW2, Unit 731 was a secret complex created by the Japanese government in Harbin, China for the sole purpose of conducting inhumane torture on civilians.
Antivirus Conspiracy
Governments create computer viruses, then partner with anti virus companies in a two-prong strategy to monitor computer activity.
Those that are not "protected" are vulnerable to viruses which collect information and allow remote access. The computers that are "protected", already have an invasive software that has access to the security of the computer, which can allow or disallow access by other viruses, and is constantly "updated" communicating data from the host computer.
Antivirus companies which have incentive, moreover necessity, to make money off of newer versions of its software, updates, or subscription, require the updating of threats to combat. It is in the interest of the antivirus companies to keep new viruses coming out, to perpetuate the problem, so they have reason to exist, need a perceived enemy.
Those that are not "protected" are vulnerable to viruses which collect information and allow remote access. The computers that are "protected", already have an invasive software that has access to the security of the computer, which can allow or disallow access by other viruses, and is constantly "updated" communicating data from the host computer.
Antivirus companies which have incentive, moreover necessity, to make money off of newer versions of its software, updates, or subscription, require the updating of threats to combat. It is in the interest of the antivirus companies to keep new viruses coming out, to perpetuate the problem, so they have reason to exist, need a perceived enemy.
All stories are metaphorical.
All stories are metaphorical.
They bend truth and reality in a plausible way to convey a message, with accompanying beliefs, observations, thoughts, and opinions.
Even true life stories - when turned into a retelling, through movie, book, or interview, or whatever - emphasize key points that connect a message. Where the attention shines its spotlight on is where a manufactured truth delivers its message.
A story without a point is not a story. It is just a arbitrary report of information, events.
They bend truth and reality in a plausible way to convey a message, with accompanying beliefs, observations, thoughts, and opinions.
Even true life stories - when turned into a retelling, through movie, book, or interview, or whatever - emphasize key points that connect a message. Where the attention shines its spotlight on is where a manufactured truth delivers its message.
A story without a point is not a story. It is just a arbitrary report of information, events.
We're Dead
We're all dead. Every one of us. (In a hundred or a thousand years time, everyone alive today will be. There's no mystery about that).
It's what we do before we die that sets us apart.
It's what we do before we die that sets us apart.
Really Who is Paying Attention?
This essay (?) was an email I sent to Alonzo Boden,
http://www.alonzobodden.com/, a comedian who runs a podcast titled
"Who's Paying Attention". I enjoy his sense of humor about his political
and social views.
Growth with Age
When I was a teenager I felt with age comes growth but now I feel I've reached that point where you don't grow older, you just go past your expiration date like spoiled food or dud batteries.
You're pretty much the same thing you were five, ten years ago. You're just not as effective, don't work as good, you've lost functionality.
You don't fermented into something like cheese. You become less appetizing cheese. Then if you are still in the fridge, you gotta get disposed of.
You're pretty much the same thing you were five, ten years ago. You're just not as effective, don't work as good, you've lost functionality.
You don't fermented into something like cheese. You become less appetizing cheese. Then if you are still in the fridge, you gotta get disposed of.
Lazy, Unmotivated, or Depressed?
What are the symptoms?
lazy
you want the end result, the outcome, but you'd rather have someone else get it for you or do the work instead of doing it yourself.
have desire, not willing to work.
unmotivated
having no goals or interest. indifferent to the end result, so have no reason to engage in activity.
no desire, willingness to work not relevant.
depressed
normally would want the end result, would have desire and goals, but some external influence is preventing the normal action-consequence from happening. not possible to attain the goal due to outside forces.
lost desire and willingness to work, no hope.
lazy
you want the end result, the outcome, but you'd rather have someone else get it for you or do the work instead of doing it yourself.
have desire, not willing to work.
unmotivated
having no goals or interest. indifferent to the end result, so have no reason to engage in activity.
no desire, willingness to work not relevant.
depressed
normally would want the end result, would have desire and goals, but some external influence is preventing the normal action-consequence from happening. not possible to attain the goal due to outside forces.
lost desire and willingness to work, no hope.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Focusing on Accomplishments
I have problems giving myself enough credit for things I do. I feel I'm a lot more capable about it than I use to be.
Working Hard for Friendship
It seems if I want people around me I need to be doing something:
work, sports, hobby, etc. That interaction is not on a close personal
level, it's not really enough to feel satisfied, and after a while it
becomes exhausting to be constantly working to have any social contact.
"Having no choice" is a Choice
I don't value keeping myself alive more than making my life worthwhile.
The 3 pm project
Ever wonder about what other people are doing at this very moment?
Ever feel exciting fun times are had by everyone else unbeknownst to you, and you're missing out on life?
Ever feel exciting fun times are had by everyone else unbeknownst to you, and you're missing out on life?
Living The Dream
Chapter 1: This is how my job interview will go down
Mr. Sherman, there's a brilliant individual I'd like you to meet. The contact speaks my full name then nervously backs out of the room.
Sherman is a portly red-cheeked man. Always looks reclined back in his chair, even when he's leaning forward. Mild bald spot on his head. Fat stubby fingers and preferential to cheap cigars.
Of course he is prejudiced man. Anything foreign or unconventional makes him uneasy and an enemy.
Mr. Sherman, there's a brilliant individual I'd like you to meet. The contact speaks my full name then nervously backs out of the room.
Sherman is a portly red-cheeked man. Always looks reclined back in his chair, even when he's leaning forward. Mild bald spot on his head. Fat stubby fingers and preferential to cheap cigars.
Of course he is prejudiced man. Anything foreign or unconventional makes him uneasy and an enemy.
Live-Your-Life Mentor
Below is a journal entry dated 2/21/2015 9:02am about my idea for a programming product. I've put in bold just now the main features that appeal to me. This is the kind of work I have passion to learn and write in computer language.
The Taxi Guru
How do ideas spread? One person at a time.
I can't always make reality carry out my ideas. But I can make stories.
The Taxi Guru
"most people are sheep. and there's nothing wrong with that on its own. their role is to stabilize society. they fall in the middle of the statistical distribution.
but some people are on the outskirts of that distribution. their role is to move society towards something different than what it currently is.
I can't always make reality carry out my ideas. But I can make stories.
The Taxi Guru
"most people are sheep. and there's nothing wrong with that on its own. their role is to stabilize society. they fall in the middle of the statistical distribution.
but some people are on the outskirts of that distribution. their role is to move society towards something different than what it currently is.
Conscious Intelligence
So one of the Big Questions is: how do you prove something is intelligent, what is an accurate definition consciousness? And associated with that is the question: can computers eventually become self-aware as the processing power increases?
I came up with a theory during college that I felt was on the right track and would be important if I could prove it. I thought of the way I could prove it too, if had enough computing power to carry out the experiment.
Writing 101
I was always bothered with the assessment of "good writing" as separate from the body of thought behind writing. It seems perfectly acceptable to test-graders that the author has nothing meaningful to say, if he conveys his words with elegance and style.
On the other hand, I always attributed the merit of writing with the conveyance of thought. You are trying to explain a (hopefully original) idea. The meaning you are trying to express sets the maximum score, and the clarity and efficiency of your translation turning a brain process into a representation in language determines how much of that potential you reach. Or perhaps multiplies its value?
On the other hand, I always attributed the merit of writing with the conveyance of thought. You are trying to explain a (hopefully original) idea. The meaning you are trying to express sets the maximum score, and the clarity and efficiency of your translation turning a brain process into a representation in language determines how much of that potential you reach. Or perhaps multiplies its value?
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