Peeve #1: People who are vague and subjective when talking about their issues.
- How you doing?
Awful
- Sorry to hear it. Why?
I'm not great today either
My future. I am so overwhelmed. I can't take it anymore!
- What about your future?
I don't think I'm going to make it on my own.
- Why not?
Pressure is always on me.
Look, I'm not here to play twenty questions with you. If you're asking for my time, respect it. If you don't want to talk, I'm not going to twist your arm.
Peeve #2: People who don't think they are responsible for themselves.
Placing the blame on external is not the way to get help. So what if it's the world's fault? You're the one who still has to deal with it! Focus on something that I can help you get through.
You're not in fourth grade when you were spoiled and could wail.
"Teacher, I don't get it!" Okay, what don't you understand? All of it! Well, do you understand this? No. No. No. That I understand. Okay, so lemme explain from here... wails, Teacher, I still don't get it!
Then when the un-diligent student finally does get it... "Oh. That's easy"... goes off and plays.
Grow up! Stop wearing your problems as a badge of entitlement! You're an adult. It's *your* responsibility when you have a problem, not someone else's! Go do something about it!
Here's a diligent student who I can talk with, because he makes a positive effort:
"I have a question
How do u stop having negative thoughts?
Its cool...just realized its time to heal but I feel I dont know how
I already wrote down what I needed to do. Learn to let go, forgive, move on...but I still feel so empty inside.. Like change isn't possible
I'll try putting positive quotes in my phone and setting it to go off at a certain time so ill see it"
This is what he's saying:
"I want to accomplish this, give me some help.
Here's what I'm having trouble with. Do you have any good ideas?
Here's what I'm thinking of doing."
At no point is he bemoaning himself, griping about his situation, or leaving it up to *someone else* to do what he needs to. He's looking for *HELP*, NOT A *QUICK FIX* handed to him. He's willing to work and develop the skills to cope.
Here's what a poor student had in response:
"I'm still working on mine. I wish I had an answer for us both.
I actually had a chat with my supervisor. He told me to try replacing my thoughts with positive ones. It's so hard though when you're so scared.
I'm just lost and being led in 500,000 different directions by people in real life. I wonder if I have to use my own smarts and do things myself."
This is what he's saying:
"I don't know. I wish somebody would give me the answer.
It's too hard. Teacher gave me this to do, but I don't get it.
Nobody helps me. They're not doing their job. I'm not treated right, so how can I be expected to do things?"
No matter what, you have problems in life. If you carry this childish attitude around and don't work on yourself... you will always end up in this position, no matter how well people treat you.
I hate that whiners raised up this way get coddled when they lament, instead of getting some sense slapped into them. We allow these whiners to think the world is at fault against them. They don't build up a tolerance to pain, nor do they learn self-reliance.
Our 'so sorry's and ((hugs)) are lotions and balms preserving their thin-skin. But these words are no real help; they can't substitute for toughness! Thin-skinned whiners have no defenses, so they turn to the offensive and try to eliminate all potential sources of hurt. They lash out when they get rubbed the wrong way, and attack anyone who makes them feel wounded.
Power in the hands of the thin-skinned - the fearful, the weak, the incapable - is the most dangerous source of harm to others. To them, a casual jostle in a marketplace is unendurable hurt. If they are allowed to lead or elect a leader for self-protection... no end of slaying their enemies will make the world safe enough to protect them.
The strong can withstand their enemies and survive without returning harm.
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