Deep Thoughts

Small talk

When I don't know how to start a conversation with a stranger, I imagine what an idiot savant might say.

"The square root of 2 is 1.414213562373095 to fifteen decimal places.

Add one and one together and you get two. But if you put two people next to each other, I don't think you get two. You get one and one.

To get two people together I think you need 1.414 of one person with 1.414 of another person. One person has to give 41.4% of himself and the other has to give 41.4% of herself back.

Now the interesting thing is 41.4% and 41.4% is 82.8% altogether - not enough to make one person. But when two people come together as one, something happens to make up that missing 17.8% and I do believe that part is magical."

Royal food taster

What a cushy job. Eating the King's food before he does to check if it's poisoned. And the thing is ... if the king's enemies know he has a food taster, they're not going to poison the food... so the job reduces its own risk.

But what if an assassin is in cahoots with the food taster? And together they poison the food with something that would only kill the king - like in The Princess Bride, when Montoya poisons both drinks but through a lifetime of eating small doses of the poison he has become immune?

Another ploy would be for the taster to swallow a large hunk of coal before eating the poisoned meal so the fatal dose is absorbed into the coal and the taster does not get sick, but the unsuspecting king is done in.

To increase his own chance for survival, a shrewd king would keep a food taster in a secret and a crafty food taster would let his duties become known.


"Re-invent yourself"

Lie to yourself so much that you start to convince other people.


Time travel

I don't realize I am on a journey
But each moment is in motion.
Even when I am still, time is moving.
My destination is fixed.
Time is ticking to the grave
Actions take me there.
How I get there depends on what I do.

Sleep

Imagine sleep as a big strong hairy guy hugging you and you can't fight back.


"Folded up old people"

- "so your spine is... melting?"

"more like crunching into itself---well, that's about what it feels like. Melting is probably closer to reality."

- "ow. is there a way to treat it?"

" nope. I just got it many years earlier than the folded up old people they hide in nursing homes."


Election season

welp, at least the circus show of campaigning is over

back to animal interest stories and shopping tips on the morning news

:rolls eyes: society blows


Mistakes

if i did everything i planned perfectly, as i envisioned it at 16... my life wouldn't be successful... how little of the world does one person know at that age, at any point?? it's *good* that things don't go to plan... because if they did all the time, we would see so little of the world, only what we've already experienced.

"sometimes we make the wrong decisions to get to the right place"

because, the 'life plan' we chart out fails to capture all that is in store for us!

making mistakes is the only way we *can* do more than our little vision of life allows us to!


Loyalty

"I live in a soviet-era apartment which ... was considered luxurious back in those days, but is dreadfully tiny by modern standards"

- "are there spyholes in the walls?"

"probably"

- "do you ever hear coughing at night, and a voice tell you 'you didn't hear nothing. go back to sleep'?"

"lol, I like the idea of KGB officers permanently walled in and still alive - doing their duty for the motherland"

Flute at the park

Julius Kleiner Memorial Park. Meridian, ID

This is a nice young park constructed in 2012, under a big sky with a majestic mountain view. It boasts a host of facilities. Frisbee golf, ball court, children play areas, fishing pond, picnic shelters, walking paths, and an amphitheater. Across the street, there is a large shopping mall and a Walmart.

Today I played music in the amphitheater.

flute

Living a quiet life

I wake up in my car at Lowe's around 11 a.m. and I leave it there during the day. Every place I need is within walking distance. Lunch at Souper Salad is just across the street. A twenty minute walk to the park for afternoon exercise. I use handlebars on the kiddie slide to do dips.

After sunset, I move my car to a nearby power outlet - at a dental office, or a primary care doctor's, or a physical therapist, or a church. I lead an extension cord into my car, and use my laptop into the wee hours. When I get sleepy, I drive back to Lowe's.

There are tons of dentists and health professionals in the area. Their offices sometimes have outlets close to parking spaces and their lots are usually empty after 8 pm. There aren't many people who come by at night. And as a bonus, on weekends I can stay overnight because offices are closed!

A Special Reflection on Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving, Ulix and I brainstorm who to be thankful for.

Ulix, what are you thankful for this holiday season?

• airplanes
• automobiles
• you, Jonathan
• and you shutting up
• the Sun
• rap music

I'm thankful for

• myself, who did not lose hope and did not give in

You can't be thankful for yourself, Jonathan.

Well, why not?

Because you're supposed to think of other people who have helped you.

I think Thanksgiving is about reflecting on who has been good to me this past year and deserves my appreciation. Someone I should recognize and show gratitude to and not take for granted.

I think it's fitting to thank myself, because the person who has worked the hardest for me, and who I often take for granted is myself.

That's not the way it works, Jonathan.

Okay then help me think of other stuff to say.

Talk about who helps us do the things we do.

Hmm...

• extension cords
• Android tablet
• all-you-can-eat restaurants

No, those aren't persons.

I got it...

• a manager at Lowe's who walked me to an aisle and showed me exactly where a $0.87 adapter was, even though he had too much to do before Black Friday and his staff was taking off
  
• a man flying a sport kite at the park, who put on a special acrobatic display for a little kid when passerby's came up to watch
  
• a young waitress at Souper Salad who attentively bussed my table between wiping down tables and sweeping the floor, spoke to me considerately before taking a plate, looked me in the face and smiled and offered to refill my water... a minimum wage student who worked hard and treated everyone like people, in a place where a bare minimum of work and service could be expected.

You're getting closer, but think of people more meaningful in your life.

I'm thankful for people who don't give up on doing right by people. Who work to standards they hold themselves to, who make the lives of people around them better, and don't see their extra effort as detriments to themselves but as contributions to their community.

You're clever. I suppose you include yourself in that category and have found a generalized way to thank yourself.

No, not yet, Ulix. But I will. I am still a bum and I have a lot of work to do before I am willing to enter that group.

You thought I was going to say my friends and family, weren't you?

Yeah, what about them?

Yeah what about them.

Morality // Mortality

Morality

the knowledge of good and evil.

Mortality

having the knowledge of good and evil

blind obedience
is the rule of paradise
knowledge of good and evil
is forbidden
otherwise we will see
that as equally as he is good
God is evil
and doing what's right will get you killed.

Eating from the tree of knowledge was supposed to be death. But I believe Adam and Eve would have died anyway; only, the concept of death would not have existed in their minds. They would have died not knowing it was coming, and maybe that ignorance would have protected them a while longer.

"I told you not to look."

"For the first time she realized that she continued to breathe because someone else allowed it. That she had a master. Now I'm not vet, but I think that realization might have killed her before the parasites had a chance."

- Ray. Mr. Robot S2E6

Obeying without question is not life. Eternal existence is absent of life. Life is knowledge. Knowledge is freedom. Freedom is death. Once I am free, I cannot go back. I can only go on.

"Looks like the death of me now
But you know, there's no turning back now
This is what makes me - this is what I am

Don't hate me. Hate the money I see...

You can hate me now. But I won't stop now.
'Cause I can't stop now..."

- Nas, Hate Me Now.

Diary: Importance of a Dream

"If I do close my eyes, what is it that I picture years from now? Like Leon said, doesn't one need to understand that before they're ready to fight for their existence? How would my future fairy tale unfold?...

A world I've always wanted. And you know what? I'd like very much to fight for it."

- Elliot Anderson. Mr. Robot S2E4

To someone who feels alone, I share a realization. It's not you who is alone. It's everybody. This society is self-centered. We don't hold on to values, causes, relationships. Each person is willing to give up their own for money, for a job, for survival. Self preservation. It makes it easier for us to be divided and controlled. Everybody is alone.

How many times I have heard the excuse "I need a job." "I don't like it, but I need money." It's so ingrained in them. For those two things, people will forgo the actual needs in life. It's like people's brains don't logically connect the real reasons anymore. You need food to eat so you can stay alive. You need to work and participate with other people to maintain your physical and mental health. You need clothing and shelter to protect your body. You need electricity to operate tools, and wireless communication to exchange information, and fuel for transportation. Those are your essential needs. Not money or a job.

You say you cannot get any of those things without money, and you can't get money with a job. But I remind you again, what is the real reason? What is the point of working a job to make money, if your money doesn't provide those things? And what is the point of what small sliver of life is left over for yourself after doing all those things to make money? Why are you alive? What purpose do you have besides eating and shitting?

The point of a job and your position in society is to deny you of purpose. Your only reason for living is to carry out someone else's plan. The American Dream of upward mobility is a lie. You, guarding all your material goods and modern amenities, are a slave. And that's why you are sad at night, empty during the day, and lost when you think about your life. You are an empty vessel that you fill with entertainment, consumer goods, and Jesus.

You have no mind - it is painful to think for yourself, because then you would see the naked ugly world that you live in. You let prepackaged formulated thoughts float into your brain and out your mouth. You let people tell you what to do and what to like and what to be. And when you can't attain that single universal standard set by magazine covers and movie stars, you guilt yourself into thinking you're a loser, your weakness is responsible for this, you deserve it. Then you go into work the next day and hide your shame from other people who are hiding just like you.

Instead of embracing each other, and pointing our eyes among our own, seeing we have the goodness in life already, recognizing we are kept in prison cells preventing us from sharing that goodness... our eyes point upward to God, ignoring that we are confined and judging ourselves unworthy and doomed to eternal punishment without Him. God is anything we make it: in the TV, in the store, on Facebook, across the street ... any secular thing to replace God will serve the same purpose. God loves us, sets rules how we can be with Him, and persuades us to be miserable without Him.

People who drink the Kool-Aid think they have their life figured out, they just need to hold on to the illusion with their daily maintenance: denial when things don't go as advertised and pretending things are great until then. All that those people have to do to fight for survival, is to defend a life prefabricated for them. But for me, like Mr. Robot, I reject society's vision for my future, so I have to create my own. I need to visualize the life I hope to attain first, before I am willing to fight for it.

Travel journal: This is why we can't have nice things

A week of surveying the greater Boise, Idaho region has left me worn out and unsatisfied.

• Food quality at restaurants in this area has not been good. Two out of four times I got sick. Today the fifth restaurant seems okay for living nearby.
  
• There's no shortage of Walmart and Lowe's to park my car. But it's not the best place to rest, because many people go in and out.
  
• Lots of parks, but they are patrolled at night and are across from people's homes.
  
• The last difficulty remains where I can sit at my laptop during the day. There's plenty of McDonald's around for short term use. However, libraries are sparse and not very spacious or accommodating with hours of operation. 

Overall, the main problem with this area is it's too residential around the shopping and dining centers. It's hard to get breathing room away from people.

It's quite remarkable how well planned and straight the city streets are. Arranged in a regular grid and appropriated for different uses: agriculture, industry, housing, retail.

See all those grey squares with squiggly streets? Those are housing. Much of this region is heavily populated. It explains why there are so many parks and commercial services that I'm happy to make use of. The problem is having nice things attracts a lot of people.

LOL electric car

Charging my laptop and phone inside my car at a medical clinic.

It's closed for the weekend. The driver seat is facing away from the road and it's a quiet medical area. If the cops don't bother me, I'll be good all night. Let's see if I can get away with it.

And some friends for the electric car...

Paper lanterns symbolically lift your fears away. I like it.

This clear bag of tissues looked cute.

At a thrift store, a Norman Rockwell cartoon for The Saturday Evening Post.

Champ (Be a Man)
Boy lifting weights

"Readbox" spoof of Redbox. Haha!

Charming religious university.

Travel diary: In search of a fertile land

La Grande, OR

My homeward journey continues across Oregon.

Foggy mornings in Oregon

Arlington, OR

Holy Fuck Fog Song

Mountains

Oregon feels shrouded in perpetual gloom. East of Portland, the cities don't have all-you-can-eat joints. Civilization is sparse. I'm wagoning onward to more a habitable environment of Idaho.


Playing flute

Baker City, OR

Freedom of Musical Expression (improvisation)

Faure Sicilienne + more improv

Supermoon

Morning news has been talking about this full moon at closest orbit to Earth, making it appear bigger in the sky than usual. Too much fog to see clearly. But it was big and bright and low and orange.


Hey, hey, my, my. Out of the blue and into the red

TV news reports there have been student protests and scattered rioting in Portland, OR. Hundreds of people blocking city streets and carrying signs: "Not my president" after the 2016 presidential election. I'm disappointed as they are, but rejecting the outcome is futile. I believe we ought to protest Trump on the issues so we can affect policy, not complain that he won the election.

Crossed into Idaho this morning, leaving Oregon.

Potential City to Live In

Caldwell, ID is a pretty town with College of Idaho across from a Chinese buffet. I'm looking for a place to sleep (i.e. Walmart parking lot), a place to loiter (i.e. college or public library), and a place to eat (i.e. super buffet) - all close together to save money on gas. This could work...

Caldwell, ID

Assorted snapshots

Academic graffiti at College of Idaho :-)

A mean ol' acid

I like how the acid has a Frenchie mustache and acts snooty.


Ulix is telling me I need to clean my car.

Gay-looking bears at Arrowhead Travel Center in Pendleton, OR.

Big bear: "ROAR! Imma rape your butt."

Little bear cubs: ":-) :-) We're gonna get fucked in the butt."

Do this, don't do that. Can't you read the sign?

*IF* you skateboard, then you are trespassing.
If I'm trespassing but not skateboarding, then
the contrapositive of the inverse is false...
so then... umm... logic too hard.

I like how they say if you skateboard then you're trespassing, and imply they will prosecute you for trespassing - when the sign says no skateboarding. It's illegal to skateboard on private property in Oregon, let's leave it at at that!

Why make it so complicated? It's like when the government arrests mobsters, not for making money through illegal activity, but for not paying income tax on it.

"As ridiculous as it sounds, the federal government requires that money acquired through illegal means be reported and taxed just like legitimate income. It's right there on the official IRS tax instructions: "Income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity."

Not surprisingly, tax experts say few criminals declare their loot.

But some do, often when they've either been caught during that tax year or think they are about to be caught, says Stephen Moskowitz, a San Francisco tax attorney at Moskowitz LLP who has helped several clients document their illegal gains. Their goal is to avoid getting charged twice: once for their initial crime, and again for evading the taxes on their windfall. After all, it was tax charges that ultimately put away Al Capone"
- http://money.cnn.com/2013/02/28/news/economy/illegal-income-tax/

Map of route 84 through Oregon.

Guys! A car is much faster than a bicycle. It's incredible! I traveled across Oregon in no time!

Bicycle vs Car

But I miss some aspects of bicycle traveling:

• I can stop anytime I'm lost and check directions
• I can get into parks after gates are closed.
• Fresh air and exercise included
• Can never run out of gas
• Can't lock myself out
• No fear of parking or traffic tickets
• No fear of getting car towed
• Don't need to wipe the inside moisture off my car windows in the morning
• Bicycle always starts up - does not require a battery... because sometimes I use the laptop plugged into the car too long

Return from The Dulles Life

Back in action

I made it to Portland, OR on election day November 8th. Now I got my car and I'm heading west on highway 84 from Oregon through Idaho to Salt Lake, Utah.

I have a goal to build pectoral muscles before I turn thirty, and the best exercise for that I can think of is to swim. I want to find a lake to live near so I can swim for free every day. It'll likely be too cold to actually do it this winter... but I'd still like to try.


The Dalles, OR

Taking a rest today at The Dalles. The city seems to be a tourist spot, but itself is unremarkable. I think the main reason for its popularity is because there are many scenic parks and waterfalls ripe for picking on the route between it and Portland.


The Vista House

An observatory on a beautiful overlook of the Columbia River Gorge.

It was so windy I could barely hold on as I took panoramas. I braved a few photos while the wind tried to wrench my tablet out of my hands.

Latourell Falls

A few steps from the parking lot and a beautiful waterfall is in sight. A short mile hike from the lower fall there is a larger but less picturesque upper fall.

Ideal

There's a bench on the Latourell Falls trail dedicated to some 29 year old kid who died in a car crash.(article)

“I am just this crazy, radical kid who thinks there is a better way for society to be. . . . I know that if we can overcome the fear of change and uncertainty, embrace optimism and idealism, that we can realize our hopes for a better place for all.”

 Sorry, kid. Idealism is fragile and far too good for this world.


Home(less is more)

Even though I can sleep in my car, I camped outside last night. I like the fresh air, stretching out my legs, and charging my devices while I sleep. Found a quiet park outside of Portland and parked across from its caretaker's house.

I have a fear that my car will get ticketed and towed overnight if I leave it unattended, even in an inconsequential place like a park. I know that happening is unrealistic, so I want to overcome the fear.


The Flight

A little jet plane.

So small.

So long Savannah.

Happy.

Secret bicycle

I hid my bicycle under a blue tarp and tossed branches and leaves on top. It's somewhere in a woody area of Pooler, GA. If anyone finds it, I left instructions in my yellow bag to contact me.

'After' body

I feel in good shape after that bicycling. Time to build pecs.

Story: Customer Service

"In retail, people complain because they can" - Waffles

Scene: A gas station convenience mart.

Customer: I'm telling you, there's something wrong with the way this coffee tastes. Well, can't you do anything to fix it? Won't you even taste the coffee to see?

Jay: Ma'am, I had three cups of this coffee today already and don't want another sip. I taste it too so I understand what you're saying. But I don't decide which beans to buy or which machine to use, the manager - my boss - decides all that. I've brought it to his attention before, but he doesn't want to do fix anything.

I've cleaned the machines and brewed with fresh beans, but whatever the taste is, it's still there so there's nothing else I can do.

Jay: All I can offer you is a refund on your money or if you'd like to wait a few minutes I'll brew you another pot. So what will it be? Refund or another cup?

Customer: I just want a coffee that tastes good.

Jay: All we got here is this coffee. If you want better coffee there's a Starbucks right across the street. There's also Dunkin Donut's around the corner.

Customer: Yeah right! Five dollars for a cup of coffee, like I'm going to pay that for a stupid drink.

Jay: Can't help you there. If I knew a way to help you make more money, I wouldn't be here, would I?

You have a nice day.

Diary: Idle Days

Air Superiority

South of Savannah, GA there is a Hunter Army Airfield military base. Recently, there have been many fighter planes flying over Pooler, GA. Sometimes solo, sometimes in formation. Three or four groups often pass in succession.

Maybe they are practicing for an air show. Or maybe they are doing readiness training for voting day defense. To keep foreign powers from parachuting illegal voters in to influence our election.

Reading as Augmented Reality

I've been reading during lunch every day. Reading while eating has a natural sense of progress. I get full as I eat, the reading augments the journey - like food going into my mouth, the experience of the story goes into my brain. There is a physical counterpart to the intellectual experience.

I don't want to read a story while sitting at a library. It's too stagnant. I want to create something instead, immerse myself in something more interactive like a game. I take in music. I let a chat room scroll in the background, not really participating... just having some advancement taking place in my environment. When I can create an idea out of studying, or do this writing as I am right now, I feel I am accomplishing something.

The fiction needs to mirror the reality. Reading Outlaws while I'm in a bustling restaurant, people coming in and out from various walks of life. It feels like I'm in a tavern where a hero stops and asks for catties of beef and keep the wine pouring. I'm eating my meat to build strength while the heroes do battle and exhibit feats of strength. My reality somehow extends into the fiction realm. The story enhances what goes on in my life.

Being in a library, on the other hand turns me off from Outlaws. Not because I don't like the story, I can't get enough, but it doesn't match my reality. I'm at a small wooden desk enclosed by a personal cubicle. There's obese librarians corralled behind a larger desk. Children make loud noises and parents try to find jobs on a public computer. It's not the right story for what I'm experiencing.

Loitering Chronicles

When I know I've been at Walmart too long...