Let's talk about se... um..

Let's talk about masturbation.

Sex is a part of human needs. Even though we don't talk about it much publicly, it's a strong driving influence to human behavior. Politicians will jeopardize their public image and careers to have a fleeting taste of satisfaction. Helen's beauty raised a thousand war ships. People will even enslave, murder, or give away vast fortunes for sex. Not love, sex.

So even though it is taboo to discuss our private lives in public, to pretend not to notice is ignoring a major aspect of why we do things and how we choose to live.

Warning: Too Much Information starts below. Don't read if you don't want to know.

OK, so...  I'm used to masturbating daily. It's the easiest way to get rid of the need for sex. Problem is the urge comes back, so overdoing it definitely does not help. It just creates more need.

Limiting masturbation to once a week, once a month, etc hasn't really worked. Because it doesn't reduce the need while I'm abstinent, it just makes me more distracted. I suppose that if I kept up abstinence long enough, the sexual desire does abate. But the thing is, ignoring my sexual needs is not a really happy situation.

I want to be interested in sex. I want to my sexual feelings to develop and allow me to understand what I want. I want to develop my sexuality and have control of it. Merely limiting my sexuality is not the way I see to accomplishing that.

So masturbation is a biological urge and an emotional need. Well, sex is - masturbation is a replacement for sex. But not just the mechanics of sex. The exploration and emotional expression of attraction that motivates physical sex.

I rarely get interested by plain fucking. Big boobs and fake moans with a lot of meaningless action seems boring and lewd to me. I usually don't watch videos, because it's hard to produce an authentic scene with actual sex, not just fucking.

I prefer to look at pictures. Most of the images that really get me off, aren't nude body shots. I look for expressions, personalities and captivating faces.

Anyways, so the past week has been also an adjustment in masturbation. I don't every day. Three times, I've gone all the way. In the privacy of my car. 

I caption images with elaborate, kinky, and rather perverse fantasies. The story gets me off more than visual nudity. I accentuate certain looks, situations in the images to suit my sexual fetishes. 

It's so hard get off to vanilla sex. Porn is not for that.

There's no way to get meaningful interaction through porn and have wholesome intimacy. So it's no use pretending. That is my goal in a relationship. It's not something I can achieve looking at pictures and videos. So I know this habit is not going to win in the end, but while I am lonely it does give me an outlet to my hormones.

No matter how great the fucking or the women in porn are, if I can't see myself in that situation, it's not satisfying. The more the fantasy is in tune with my insecurities, longings, fears, and unattainable desires the stronger it compels. Like Agent Smith tells Morpheus in the Matrix (yeah, I went there LOL... okay! I'm a nerd!) when we first designed your civilization it was perfect, but people rejected it because there was no suffering, it didn't feel real and entire crops were lost.

The fantasy doesn't just have to be good, it has relate. Porn is a way to accentuate those desires unreachable in real life, and through imagining it, sort out why some things appeal to us, what are the psychological motivators that make this particular fantasy so strong.