Sincerity and Assistance

Sincerity

A closure sign at ESM written out of sincerity would've read something like this:

Due to inclement weather, we are closed for the safety of our staff and their obligations to their loved ones .
If you are in need of emergency assistance, pleased contact 911.
We are sorry we cannot provide you with services today.

Jonathan, you're so critical! You fault others, but did you help anyone today in this storm? What have you done?

I heard a fag lady on the radio, challenge her listeners 'When was the last time you did something nice for someone else?' I answered, 'Fuck you!' and turned her bullshit off.

Helping is not for the sake of looking good and staking a claim to virtuous superiority when you desire, but as is appropriate.

It's not about how often you did 'something nice', like exercising for a prescribed duration every day. It's not about you, and whether you did something as 'proof' that you are a superior person.

Intentions hardly worth mentioning

I don't think it's worth reporting the 'good deeds' I did today, because they were hardly deeds, wholly inconsequential, and none out of the ordinary. But this radio lady spurned me to make comment on the events, to illustrate my point.

A van was unable to climb the hill. I offered to push his van from the back. But on evaluation, we both resigned that the van was too heavy for that to be of much good use, plus it could be a danger to me standing behind a backward sliding vehicle. So I was of no help.

I was friendly and good-natured to all the service employees who I encountered today. They showed up to work during the storm when many others called out. That meant I could purchase food and find shelter indoors, their effort made my life easier. In return, I was pleasant, respectful, and showed them they were appreciated.


Cooperation and validation


An elderly lady at the soup kitchen managed the dispersal of utensils. I had my hands full with plates the first pass through, so after setting my food down, I returned on the back side, informed her I intended to take a fork, and meeting no objection, I reached over with an arbitrary guess, and produced a spoon. Perhaps she had not heard me announce my action, for upon seeing me reach into the bin, she chided me that guests were not allowed to put their hands on the bins themselves, but ought to request what they desired.

Fine, simply a misunderstanding. No need for fuss. I assumed her attention had been occupied with other guests when I voiced my intent or her elderly hearing had not picked up on my words. I politely apologized, stated I was unaware of that regulation, and amended to follow her suggestion in the future.

When I went back to her for an empty cup, I clearly voiced my request with please's and thank you's. Her attitude toward me turned around, she was pleased that her corrective measures produced a desireable effect on me. And that made her contribution feel rewarding.

Did I 'help' her? No, she was there helping me. But was I respectful, cooperative, and appreciative to make her efforts feel rewarding and her duties easier? Sure, you bet. Was I the one being helped or the one helping her? Of course, I was being helped. In the end, does the ownership of credit matter? No. It's not about who was the better person in that moment. It's about the unembellished, consistent, and from one's natural self of acting according to one's principles and doing what's appropriate.

Getting out of the way

At Panera Bread, the dining room was light on workers. Dirty dishes sat uncleared for hours. When at 7 pm, a cleaning lady came round to tidy the establishment, it was announced that the restaurant would be closing in half an hour due to the storm. I saw the lady wiping down tables and sweeping the floors, so I wrapped up work on my laptop that she could work unimpeded.

The cleaning lady went around, dropping gentle hints to the remaining customers it was the appropriate time to leave. She seemed slightly annoyed. I expediently packed my office away from her responsibility. When she saw me hastening to pack up, she surprised me with kind words. Take care on my way home, stay warm, drive safely, etc. She was just tired from a busy day and wanted to finish her job so she could go home. Seeing my considerate effort to lessen her burden released a sort of tense fatigue she had been sweeping across the floor.

Contrived 'helping'

The opposite of helping for the sake of others is impressing charity upon your inferiors. Aiding to promote one's sense of moral virtue, giving to demonstrate the vastness of one's stock. Some ideas passed through my mind throughout the day of ways I could help others, but these I dismissed as contrived deeds, only helping others for my own sake.

I heard about the struggle of the homeless sleeping in tents. I thought of the advantages I had over them to be able to sleep in a car. I wanted some way to allow one of them to use my car. But how impractical an offer that would be! Besides, none of them were going about like they would love a car to sleep in! The charity of this offer would only be to impress upon the car-less of the luxury I had that they did not!

I fancied renting a hotel room and inviting a tent-dweller to tag along. But would I rent a room, if it were not to be an audition for sainthood? Were it not to elevate myself to the level of Savior of a grateful and groveling wretch? If the guy would dispose himself to bask in my generosity as my equal, if he were to smoke, and complain, and gloat in his good fortune? Naw, most definitely not.

Indulgence vs necessity

Would I even rent a hotel room if it were for myself? Unlikely. It would be wasteful. I already have a fine and adequate shelter, which the outdoor homeless did not. I have a boon of luxury: a private space in which to lay out my possessions, a platform off the cold wet ground, shielded from wind and rain, insulated from cold and noise. A pricey hotel is for the deposed homeless who cannot claim ownership of these comforts. What would I gain in the expenditure of a week's supply of food for one night at a hotel? A fleeting Epicurean indulgence in luxuries I already possess. A debt of irresponsibility!

Similarly, a selfish deed of 'helping' would be an irresponsible performing act of moral indulgence. Don't be guilt'ed into helping by Bible-thumping moralists like the radio lady. Tallying, recounting, and accrediting yourself of virtue is hypocritical!

Help as is appropriate... not when you seek to, but as the situation necessitates. Be like the lady who directed traffic in the snow storm, so her metro bus can safely back down the slippery hill. Be like the gentleman who came to work at the soup kitchen, and intervened to defuse the strained tempers of the homeless. Admire Ulix, who appears to do nothing at all, not seeking any glory... yet who comes through in the most inconvenient moments when no one else is there for me, to make my life blessed!