Quotable

A lesson taken from a flat bicycle tire:

"On the road of life, don't be afraid of encountering big bumps. You will get over them and keep rolling. What you ought to do is shield yourself from little pricks; they're the ones that will get inside and take the air out of you."

Life is a bumpy road

Don't fear the big obstacles in life. You'll get over them! Getting past the big problems is the good part of life! Landing a career, getting married, buying a house, winning a game of Jenga.

Keep the little pricks out. They're small things! Don't let them get inside and you'll keep your air about you. You'll keep moving. You'll get to where you need to go.

Life is like a box of chocolates. There are a few good flavors and the rest is just filler.

Saturday, June 25th
Fresno, CA

I got a new set of bicycle bags. Happy yellow. Aren't they beautiful?

Replaced free at REI. :smiley:

The rest of this post is just filler.

Einstein meets fortune cookie.

Homeless person's camp in hotel parking lot.
Note the Tigger. Ulix, do I have a doppelganger?

Stepping out

When we was kids, I'd have teased the other kid
and not let him in the pool.

This is what happened after just one guest
complained about her mattress being uncomfortable.

Road 18 and 3/4. Finally, my knowledge of fractions proves useful!

Children of staff playing doctor. "Shh, don't tell Mommy."
Madera Community Hospital. Madera, CA.

Morning camp with sunflower.

Buffet with Ulix.

It's a good day, how can anything go wrong?

I'm having a good day. Even the stuff that went wrong turned out okay.

I rode past a point of interest on my way to Fresno. It was called "Where the Palm meets the Pine" on Google Maps. There's a Palm tree representing southern California planted next to a Pine tree representing the northern half of the state. Apparently its located on the midsection of the state a few miles north of Fresno. Eh, sure why not.

I decided to travel there but I went too far down some road, accidentally cancelled the GPS navigation while checking directions on a turn, and didn't see the curio. I ended up in farm country thirty minutes past where I was supposed to.

It was 2:30 pm. I wanted to eat a buffet for lunch and only had an hour to get to a restaurant. Google Maps told me it was an hour and thirty minutes to Fresno along the bumpy farm roads that the navigation lady wanted me to take.

Instead, I cut to the freeway. Five minutes on the freeway saved me an hours worth of rim bending and fender rattling! I got to Home Town Buffet at 3:00 pm. Alright! Take that, navigation lady, I clearly won that fight.

Later, I dropped my phone while biking. I slid the phone over a plastic sheath on the handlebar bag, instead of sending it inside. The screen was already cracked anyway, so I don't notice anything different about it. The casing and battery came apart on the sidewalk. I put it back together and it works fine as before.

Everyone fights on long trips

Sometimes, me and the navigation lady are in a fights. She loses it when I'm in a shopping plaza. She tell me, "turn left then turn left. turn east, the head left. head south, then turn right. turn right. head west." I say to her, bitch please I see the McDonald's right there in front of me.

Sometimes she say, continue on Unpaved Anus Wrecking Rd for five miles. And I say to her, nope not doing it. Not going to go any further. Just going to stay here, sleep right there and not eat, drink, or wake up until next year. Estivate and then hibernate.

Sometimes I'm just in a pissy mood when I'm close to my destination for no reason and I refuse to do what she says, no matter how nice she's being. Turn right onto Easy St and continue for three quarters of a mile. Fuck that. Not going any further. Going to turn around, go back to Portland and undo this whole trip.

I put up a show for the sake of my pride, but I end up doing what she tells me. When we fight I know she's always right, no matter who is right.

Racist deductive reasoning
 
Yesterday, I went to the store to get some spare bicycle tubes. Someone bought ten inner tubes that didn't fit and returned them all to Walmart. I bought two of my size anyway. Every box had been opened re-taped, so I couldn't peek inside. You could tell it was used after you removed the tape, because the plastic shrink wrap was gone and the tube had been inflated.

I was kinda ticked off when I found out one of the tubes turned out too big, even though it was marked on the box as the correct size. I was mad at the Mexican who returned it. I know it was a Mexican, because I used deductive racist reasoning which never gets things wrong.

That Mexican nigger had to open ALL of the boxes of the exact same size after the first one didn't fit. It's like, hey Pop this tube you bought must be a defect. It's not fitting. Well, open up another one, son, and try that one. Hmm, two defective tubes. Well, we'll take those back to the store but open up the rest and try those. They can't all have defects!

Chinks do the same dumb fobbish kind of thing, but here's why I know it wasn't a Chinese nigger.

1. Chinks are too cheap. A Chink doesn't need new inner tubes. He'd patch up that one tube that came with the bike a thousand times until the bike broke first and then he'd get a new bike that came with a new tire. 
2. That chink is not going to waste money on TEN freaking inner tubes. If he needs a new tube, he buys ONE. 
3. If he doesn't know his tire size, that Chinese nigger would at least be smart enough to buy ten of DIFFERENT SIZES! 

Why a Mexican, and not some other variety of nigger? Because there were no Chinese or Blacks in town. But there were lots of Mexicans waddling around. That rules out all other possibilities. Plus other niggers don't do this kind of bicycle recreation for fun. Chinks take violin or piano lessons. Blacks play ball sports.

Actually, there's one possibility I overlooked. It was probably some white nigger who don't even own a bicycle and just don't give a fuck.

nigger

n.

Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a member of any socially, economically, or politically deprived group of people.
 from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition

Legal disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely of a satirical nature. These views and opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the author, even though he wrote and must therefore wholeheartedly believe them.

The author in no way endorses, nor can be held financially or morally accountable for his own racial prejudices. If you found this tongue-in-cheek racism to be unfunny and extremely offensive, then good for you - you ain't been around enough niggers.

I like how using a disclaimer makes whatever you do okay. It's like committing a sin, then praying for forgiveness but skipping all that unnecessary repentance.