Hypnotherapy Scripts
by Ronald A Havens, Ph.Dand Catherine Walters, M.A., M.S.W
(1989)
ISBN:0876305478
Had a good laugh. What a crock of baloney.
BEAUTIFUL GIFTS
a metaphor about premature ejaculation.
The unconscious mind guards a variety of
treasures, [What's with these indentations? The patient can't hear them.]
like a guard in an art museum, [What treasures does the mind guard? Huh?]
standing in a room full of sculptures
and paintings of beautiful women.
They get to observe the reactions
of people as they walk into that room,
and hear the sudden exclamations,
the "Oohs" and "Aahs" of appreciation
that just burst forth from their lips
as soon as they see those things
that are so beautiful it takes the breath
away.
It is easy to demonstrate our appreciation
with that unexpected, uncontrolled response,
the same kind of reaction you see in children
when they receive a special gift, a toy
perhaps,
a birthday present or a Christmas present. [Wow. This guy gets laid twice a year. No wonder.]
It can be fun to watch their uncontrolled
excitement [These emphasized words getting me off, doctor.]
as they tear off the wrapping paper
and throw it everywhere [Imagine how awkward it'd be if the patient starts cumming.]
and jerk out that toy [Unzips.]
and start playing with it at once [Please let me touch myself, doctor. I'm so close.]
and probably break it [Woah. Hold on there, doc. Not so rough.]
before they even have a chance to say
"Thank you!" [Oh, get over yourself. You weren't THAT good...]
But it can be more satisfying
watching an adult receive a gift, [No. Adults give each other shitty last minute gifts.]
carefully examining the package, [With tweezers and a microscope. Hah. (Sad) Oh.]
appreciating the beauty of the wrapping,
and slowly undoing it,
savoring each moment of anticipation,
enjoying the pleasure of each step,
stretching it out over time, [Yeah. But she does Pilates.]
not giving in to the temptations,
but taking their time to enjoy each step,
pausing every now and then to say something,
to express their appreciation,
wondering out loud what it could be, [Dickbutt. Does she have a dick?]
and then finally opening the box, [Open your box for me, baby!]
taking out the gift slowly, gently, [Wait, I put the gift inside the box. There's. Oh my god.]
softly expressing their pleasure
in a deep and genuine way, [I really, really. Really. Like you. Too. A lot.]
letting the giver receive attention for a
time, [Take a selfie for Instagram, honey.]
telling them how wonderful and thoughtful. [What is wonderful and thoughtful? What do I tell them? Them?]
And then, and only then,
when everything else has been done, [Wanna try downward dog next or something?]
finally exploring the present completely,
enjoying themselves thoroughly,
like real art lovers [Gatekeep on art?]
who also take their time, [Dude. Low blow.]
they allow the beauty to sink in, [Let it dry on your face. You look pretty.]
they sit and ponder and enjoy each one [Each one of what? I'm getting really confused.]
for hours and hours on end. [These runoff sentences are a big turn-off.]
With a quiet reverence and respect
they pay tribute in a quiet way, [Here's some hush money. I was never here.]
that takes them far away [Start a new life in Mexico. Child is not mine.]
from the crowds of noisy children [All those kids aren't mine. I made their moms sign NDAs.]
skipping through yelling "Look at this and
that." [Don't remind me how annoying kids are. I'm trying to have one.]
And through it all
the guard stands back
watching and protecting, [Creeper. No wait, that's her pimp.]
knowing that sometimes a teacher comes in, [Let's put on a porno. I'll pretend you're her!]
calms the children, gets their attention
and slowly and carefully explains to them
how to look at the beauty quietly [Naw. She screams as if she enjoys it.]
how to see what's really there,
so that they too can sit and stare [I don't think this is suitable viewing for children.]
and feel the pleasure grow
as they slowly begin to knowing
how to control their own awareness.
[Go to a direct suggestion or to trance termination.] [Time's up. Give me three monies.]
