Escape from Boulder

I'm back in Colorado Springs today.
I can tell this is a cool place just by the good rock music playing on radio stations.

Thoughts now that I'm outside Boulder.

I needed a heavy dose of self-therapy after my stay in Boulder

Decisions made from desperation,
No way to go...
Internal instincts craving isolation
for me to grow.

My fears come alive
In this place where I once died.

Demons dreaming,
Knowing I, I just needed
to realign!

- Godsmack. "Realign"

There's more value in being a decent human being, than having a little more than somebody else.

Jonathan, I need to talk... 
Alright, Jonathan what do you want to talk about?...
Something feels not right... *exhale*
*sigh* Oh boy...

OK, lie down on the couch.

There's more value in being a decent human being, than having a little more than somebody else.

"[When I left Boulder] I felt this freedom, this relaxing of breath, like I could finally breath with some open space. Feeling released from something I didn't even realize was there. While I was there I didn't know why I felt uncomfortable, I just felt uncomfortable. "
04:10

"You don't even notice that it's affecting you and that it's bothering you, that it's there, and it's making you uncomfortable, until you leave and you are shown an alternative."

"While I was there it just felt like it was normal, and something was messed up with my mood."
05:02

"Curled up, even more... for my own privacy. My own feeling of 'I have some space of my own' and not feel affected by the atmosphere around me. Closing in to protect myself from this environment.
07:12

"Once something takes a hold of ya, holds a ransom on ya... you can't do the right thing. You can't make moral choices from your own heart. You're always bound by somebody else's control."
50:00

"I've lost my alignment to the bigger picture. Because being in an environment.. that felt awful put me into a survival mode. But now that I'm out of that environment, I have to go back into... *heh* proactive mode... [Maslow's concept of self-actualization]."
59:30

"For today, what I need to do is take a look at my bigger picture goals, think about what I want to do with my life - in the ten seconds before lightning strikes me and kills me - and do those things."
1:02:26

There's more value in being a decent human being, than having a little more than somebody else.

"That's definitely not what I was taught by the environment growing up in Boston. It was like, be a better person by being better than somebody else. Out-compete somebody else to be a better person. Win more honors, be more excellent.

Not... 'be a decent human being, be decent to other people' to be a better person. I think all elitist, prestigious environments ... they all are missing that lesson and need to learn it to heart. There's more value in being a decent human being than having a little more than somebody else"
1:24:45

[This tirade] I think it's served it's purpose. The purpose is to get my mind back in the right direction, so that I can move my feet in the right direction and do something good. And then feel okay, when in ten seconds - that fucking lightning is really tardy - but when in ten seconds that lightning strikes me, and I die, I'll feel okay about what I've done in life and what I've chosen to make of it.
1:55:10